Here's where I review stuff, cuz I feel like it, all for your amusement.

"We're gonna groove tonight, we're gonna feel alright. Simpsons Christmas Boogie."

So we start with Tha Simpsons Movie. I liked it. It may have been unneccesary, and a cash grab. But, it was fun. A dash long and coulda just been 4 episodes, but whatever I still got some enjoyment.
Ratatouille=EXCELLENT as well. Everything about it worked. And I'm a sucker for cooking shit. I also like how modern Pixar films never play for that cheap make the movie depressing for 20 mins that cartoons did in the 80's.(i.e. American Tale.)
However, it's creepy when all the rats run at once. I can't wait for Pixar to use their talents for evil. Perhaps with the Brothers Quay directing. Ok now I ask for too much.

Now the real movie discussion begins and ends with Sunshine the latest work from Danny Boyle. I missed his last film Millions where the kid talks to the saints. But, I have seen much of his work. And you can make the argument that Sunshine is the best work he's ever done as a director.
"Blasphemy!" yells all the Trainspotting fans. Let me address this argument first. I give him credit for making an indecipharable book(I don't want a glossary in anything I read) a good movie. But, the film isn't particularly special. If you see The Acid House(also adapted from Irvine Welsh's work) it looks and feels about the same. In fact Trainspotting isn't even as good as Shallow Fucking Grave.

Anyway, Sunshine.
First. It has Rose Byrne in it! And they've tried to take away her natural beauty away(not working, but she does look tired.)she's running and screaming from stuff, which seems to be her performance the last two films.(However she is in that new new Glenn Close show about lawyers, so I bet she won't run in terror in that one.) It also has Michelle Yeoh! This was easily my favorite film of hers that didn't involve her jumping onto a moving train with a motorcycle or beating Jackie Chan down with harsh remarks and crane style kicks. Also for the ladies, Cillian Murphy mugs and broods for the camera, every inch the live action version of every Paul Pope drawing ever.(If they ever make 100% or Heavy Liquid into movies, book Cillian.)
Two. It is as stylistically interesting and brilliant visually as any movie of possibly the last year.(Ok maybe two years. Maybe three?) You should go see it on the biggest loudest screen you can. And see it with the fewest people possible, so you can feel the claustrophobia of the whole piece. Frankly I had a kissing couple(go see Who's your caddy? you fucks if you must get your rocks off in the theater instead of at home where all the real, good shit can happen) Oh and chomping /drinking people is annoying as balls when it's Tarkovsky style 5 minutes of no dialogue. I'd say you should see it at home, but frankly the big screen matters.
Ok so here's where I bash up on two things. DO NOT GO TO THE WEBSITE. IT LITERALY SPOILS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE WITH IT'S TAGLINE. Thanks for telling me essentially what happens without me asking in house ad assholes.(This was because I wanted to know why we had to wait an extra week here in Austin to see it, which was fucking garbage by the way.)
Second. I'm officially coining a new term. You saw the Sorority Boys turnaround the other week. This week it's the Danny Boyle I don't know how to write a fucking third act. I warn you that if the movie were not so stylish and interesting in the first hour, that this would have made the movie TOTAL SHIT. It is confusing, convoluted, and makes ZERO sense in the scope of the film.
I'll tell you what I've learned in all the writing I've done, If you are going to have something happen at the END, set a precedent for it happening OR have a scene explaining how the hell this could possibly happen.(They're called evil monologues look into them Boyle.) I swear this is like the 8th film this year that left me saying HOW did that happen? It's as if Hollywood script doctors have forgotten that you have to make things clear so the audience can gasp! follow the story. And It's not as if they are trying to make some obtuse Godard freak out movie where he's trying to fuck with you and make a political argument or a Tarkovsky slow moving unclear dense masterwork, it's just fucking laziness.
Anyway the movie is beautiful and fully realized on a style level, it's just confounding in a madenning way in the third act. So you should see it. Maybe you can fucking explain it to me and how it works.

A few side notes.
Tom Snyder, Bill Walsh, and Ingmar Bergman. RIP
Bergman=genius. Snyder=Brilliant interviewing style that every cable show tries to achieve but will never come close to replicate. Walsh=I def enjoyed watching you thrash the Broncos in the first Super Bowl I remember watching.

Lindsay Lohan carnage. So she took my advice and passed on the nudity. Huzzah! Too bad the film TOTALLY bombed. How sad it really might be over.(Oh well fuck it, they can always replace her with Michelle Trachtenberg, Lacey Chabert, or perhaps even Hayley Duff.)


Previously on Baio did the Broads
Baio hangs out with Julie Mccullough/the nanny from growing pains who proclaims in her strong dusty Southern accent "You cheated on me so much, I had to have my first AIDS test." And then he apologizes and she's shocked.
(Ok so no one has gotten this episode for me, so I'm just going off highlights.)

Ze Episode Troika Recap
So Doc Allie asks him about his type
He's like blonde, big rack, nice body, warm, kind, no bigger than 5'6.(See that makes me a perfect wingman for Baio, cuz we have opposite types. Ballin!)
She's like, well how about I send you to some people that make scientific matches, and while he's skeptical he goes ahead and does it.
And that takes us to Baio meeting these two Russian women who have matched over 500 couples to marriage. Of course he's brought letcherous Johnny V with him and the broads tell him to fuck off.(Ok they say sit down and shut up.)
So they go over types again, and strangely Baio seems fascinated by their process.
Next up Scott goes to talk to Summer Quinn. Ok she was Jamie Powell first, but she'll always be Summer Quinn to me. I remember many the Sunday mornings at the ages of 8-10 eating danish watching her brilliant bobbed hair and anime style super deformed rack size to body proportion. sigh*
Oh wait Nicole Eggert was also Mrs. Corey Haim, I totally forgot that. That ruins it all right there.
Anyway, so Nicole tells Baio about how she ran into "Bridget" and Baio is like Who the fuck is Bridget?
And she's like you dated her, when we were on the show. She was a playmate. She was around all the time. She and I still know each other.
Baio looks confused.
Finally he's like Shit man that's the problem, I don't even remember some of them.
Next up Nicole is swinging cutely with her dog and she's like Remember how the playboy magazine was like a mail order Sears catalog and you would want one and then next thing you know they were there.
Baio:Whoa me and Bibleman totally did that
Nicole:Well this is how I guess I got so wild was seeing you guys party it up
Baio: Great Role Models We Were
Anyway, the scene was good, because they are still friends which makes me the Charles and Charge DVD owner happy.
Next up, poker game with tha hangers on.
The main point is asshole Johnny V getting some silconed up stripper to break up the game and writhe over him and Baio gets pissed off, but is nice to the stipper and gives her 200 bucks to leave.(Ah old habits die hard for poon hounds like Baio and Sheen. You just pay em to leave not for the sex.) Of course he's kinda mean
SCIENCE! Thomas Dolby style
So Johnny and Baio wait for the blind date, if she's not hot Johnny stays, if she is, he leaves immediately.
And the verdict...
Using the scientific Scott Baio school of shallowness...
The date is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY hotter than his current girlfriend. For example, his current girlfriend is like one of those burned out Beauty Queens who look one step away from a Bowling Alley Pageant. They just depress you. This new broad is an illustrator who seems nice and easily has good days ahead of her.
He spend his time finding little things about her he doesnt like, and frankly they are absurd.(Nicole had told him perfect doesnt exist. He certainly didn't listen.)
However the reasoning is much more about being totally enamoured with his girlfriend. Which he kinda admits.
Next time on Baio did the broads...
He meets his girlfriend's daughter who is 17. And she has a Southern accent! And she's breaking his balls! And she scarily looks like in a year she'll be the kinda broad Baio will pray upon!

We need a new countdown:
Um Curb Your Enthusiasm is supposed to be coming back-1 month maybe?